Last night, my grandson Amari, LeeBoy’s son who is 2 1/2 years old, taught me a profound lesson about forgiveness. As bedtime approached, Amari was full of energy, refusing to settle down. Frustrated, I put him in another bedroom, telling him he’d have to sleep alone if he didn’t calm down. As I left the room, his cries echoed, “Don’t leave me!” Despite my resolve, his words tugged at my heart.
Moments later, he walked into our room, tears streaming down his face, repeating, “Don’t leave me.” At that moment, I felt the weight of my decision. I picked him up and held him close, whispering an apology and asking for his forgiveness. His response was unexpected: “Not yet.” Those two words captured the essence of genuine forgiveness—it’s a process that requires time, patience, and empathy.
As he clung to me, I realized the importance of shared suffering in our relationships. Being present with Amari in his distress, I could share his pain and show him that he wasn’t alone. After ten minutes, I asked for his forgiveness again, and this time he said, “Okay.” We hugged tightly and exchanged I love yous, and I felt our bond deepen in that embrace.
This experience reminded me that living connected means being willing to share in each other’s pain and approaching forgiveness with sincerity. Forgiveness isn’t a transaction; it’s a journey of empathy and understanding. When we say “not yet,” it’s not a refusal to forgive but a request for time to heal.
In a covenant relationship, whether with a spouse, child, or grandchild, forgiveness involves more than just words. It’s about being present, showing love, and a space where healing can occur. We are called to forgive as we have been forgiven, to extend grace even when it’s difficult, and to remember that love covers a multitude of sins.
By embracing the “not yet” moments, we allow space for genuine reconciliation and connection. We learn to be patient with ourselves and others, trusting that the journey of forgiveness will ultimately lead to stronger, more connected relationships.
Living connected means striving to be others-focused, listening and empathizing, and sharing in the joys and struggles of those we love. In doing so, we create a safe haven where forgiveness and healing can flourish.
You can learn more about Living-Connected with your spouse in our marriage workshop: Strengthening Your Marriage: Connecting In A Way That Heals