Dr. Larry Crabb, a renowned psychologist, once said, “When two people connect with the soul, something is poured out of one and into the other that has the power to heal the soul of its deepest wounds and restore it to health—the one who receives experiences the joy of being healed. The one who gives knows the even greater joy of being used to heal… this is the power of connecting!”
That soul-level connection is at the heart of our Living-Connected framework. It’s how we become vessels of God’s healing presence. But too often, when someone is hurting, we freeze. We feel inadequate, unsure, or afraid to say the wrong thing—so we say nothing at all.
When someone is hurting, external circumstances generally cause internal pain. We can’t always help with the external causes, but we can always help heal the soul if we know how to connect at the soul level and commit to living-connected.
This blog begins with a series of encounters with broken people who are experiencing hard things. We run into them every day—and sometimes, we are them. These are opportunities to be the healing hands of Jehovah Rapha (the God Who Heals).
Unfortunately, we often miss our chance because we feel inadequate and don’t know how to respond. Our awkward past experiences tell us to avoid these moments for fear of saying the wrong thing.
You don’t have to be a professional counselor to help someone heal—you just have to be willing to show up, listen well, and offer compassion.
We hope this series helps you learn the art and skill of connecting with hurting people in a way that heals. We want to guide you toward confidence in responding in a soul-to-soul connection that brings comfort to a broken heart.
Our first encounter in this series focuses on what to say when someone’s marriage is disconnected, broken, and falling apart.
Statistics tell us that most marriages hit this kind of speed bump at some point and escalate toward divorce. So, what do you say to someone whose life, dreams, and identity have been shaken by broken vows, betrayal, or irreconcilable differences?
You may feel the urge to fix things, offer solutions, or find the perfect words to soothe their pain. But the truth is, there is no quick fix for a broken heart. What they need most isn’t a solution—it’s a friend. Someone who sees them, hears them, and reminds them they don’t have to walk through this alone.
Here’s how you can minister to someone who is walking through the painful reality of a broken marriage:
1. Acknowledge Their Pain
When someone’s marriage falls apart, their world often feels shattered. Don’t minimize their pain. Avoid quick explanations like:
- “Everything happens for a reason.”
- “Maybe this is God’s way of teaching you something.”
- “You have a lot to offer. You’ll find someone better.”
Instead, offer words that acknowledge their grief and validate their feelings:
- “I can’t imagine how painful this must be for you, but I want you to know I’m here.”
- “This kind of heartbreak cuts deep. Your world stops while everyone else’s keeps going. Honestly, I’d be devastated too if I were in your place.”
- “I’m so sorry this is happening. Few things in this life are as painful as a broken marriage. You have every right to feel heartbroken, angry, or confused right now.”
- “What you’re feeling makes complete sense given what you’ve been through.”
- “I see how much you are hurting. And I’m here for you.”
These responses affirm the legitimacy of painful emotions without judgment. They help your friend feel seen and understood, remove shame, and provide a powerful combination of validation and safety.
2. Listen More Than You Speak—And When You Do, Ask Questions
One of the most healing gifts you can give someone with a broken marriage is a safe space to be heard. Listening with the intent to understand—not to fix, judge, or even respond—emphasizes the power of presence and curiosity over quick advice.
Here are ways you can demonstrate that kind of listening:
Let them process without judgment:
- Resist the urge to offer solutions or comparisons.
- Allow them to feel anger, grief, confusion, and doubt without trying to rush them toward healing.
Open the door gently:
- “I hear you. I know this is painful. Tell me more about how you’re feeling.”
- “Talk to me. You don’t have to explain everything. I just want to understand what you’re carrying.”
Invite them to go deeper:
- “What was that like for you?”
- “Can you help me understand what hurt the most in that moment?”
- “How long have you been feeling this way?”
- “What part of this feels hardest to put into words?”
Reflect on what you hear:
- “It sounds like you’re exhausted and alone in this.”
- “So when that happened, it made you feel …?”
- “You’re not just hurt—you’re also confused and questioning everything. Did I get that right?”
Use silence and don’t rush:
- After they speak, pause. Nod. Breathe with them.
- Try: “I don’t have words—but I’m feeling this with you.”
Important Cautions: What Not to Say or Do
- Don’t interrupt with solutions: “Well, maybe you just need to…”
- Don’t hijack the moment with your own story: “That happened to me too. Let me tell you…”
- Don’t minimize: “It’s not that bad,” or “You’ll get over it.”
Open-ended and clarifying questions are an art and a skill—and they build a bridge to soul-to-soul healing.
3. Offer Encouragement and Hope
While encouragement is important, be careful not to rush their healing process or invalidate their pain. When someone’s marriage is unraveling, they often feel like hope has left the room.
What they need most isn’t advice—it’s life-giving words that whisper, “This doesn’t have to be the end of the story.”
Avoid platitudes like:
- “You just need to move on.”
- “God has something better for you.”
- “This too will pass.”
Instead, speak life into them:
- “I know this feels like everything is falling apart—but this pain is not the end of your story. Healing is still possible.”
- “This doesn’t define you. You are still amazing and valued by so many.”
- “Many couples who felt hopeless have found their way back to love—stronger and more connected.”
- “You don’t have to rebuild the whole thing today. Just take one healing step at a time.”
- “Your story isn’t finished. Even broken covenants can be redeemed when they’re placed in the hands of a redeeming God.”
They may not be ready to believe these truths yet—and that’s okay. Just keep speaking hope without rushing the process.
4. Remind Them That Brokenness Is Not the End
Right now, they may feel like the most important part of their story is over. Like they have failed, lost, or become unworthy.
You can be the voice that reminds them:
- They are still whole, even when their marriage is not.
- They are still worthy of love.
- They are still deeply known and seen by God.
- There is nothing that can happen that God can’t redeem.
What to say:
- “Your story isn’t over. God still has plans for you.” (Jeremiah 29:11)
- “God is near to the brokenhearted—He is near to you.” (Psalm 34:18)
- “God specializes in resurrection—He can breathe life into what feels dead.”
- “You may not see it right now, but God does His best work in broken places.”
- “You are still valuable, even in this brokenness.”
- “Healing takes time, and that’s okay.”
Their heart may not be ready to accept these words, but you can plant seeds of hope and trust that God will grow them in time.
5. Pray With Them, Not Just for Them
When someone’s marriage is broken, they may struggle to pray. They might feel abandoned by God, angry at Him, or unsure how to approach Him.
Don’t just tell them you’ll pray—pray with them.
- Pray for peace in the midst of their chaos.
- Pray for healing—whether in their marriage or in their heart.
- Pray for wisdom for their next steps.
- Pray for the presence of God to surround them.
Note: If they aren’t ready for prayer, don’t force it. Gently offer: “Even when you don’t have the words, God hears your heart.”
6. Stay Connected
The pain of a broken marriage doesn’t end when the divorce papers are signed or when the separation is finalized. Grief lingers, especially in the quiet moments.
- Holidays feel different.
- Family gatherings feel incomplete.
- The future they once envisioned is gone.
How to Support Them Long-Term:
- Check in regularly. A simple “Thinking of you today” text means the world.
- Invite them into community with you. Don’t let them withdraw.
- Celebrate small victories. Help them see that they’re healing, even if it’s slow.
Conclusion: Be a Healing Presence
When someone you care about is walking through the devastation of a broken marriage, your role isn’t to fix them—it’s to be with them. To listen without trying to solve, to weep without rushing to encourage, and to remind them, again and again, that they are not alone.
When you connect at the soul level—without judgment, without pressure—you become a vessel of God’s healing presence. It’s in that space that hope begins to rise, not because you said the perfect thing, but because you stayed long enough to help them feel seen, known, and loved.
Call to Action: Ready to learn how to connect in a way that heals?
This blog is the first in a series of real-life encounters to help you minister to hurting people in your everyday life. If you’ve ever thought, “I don’t know what to say,” you’re not alone—and you don’t have to stay stuck.
👉 Follow this series, and let us help you practice the Six Steps of Living-Connected so you can become a healing presence in a disconnected world.
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