“Be kind and compassionate to one another…” — Ephesians 4:32
When is being kind different than being nice, and how is it much more of a connection tool?
What makes someone feel truly seen?
Not noticed.
Not acknowledged.
Not merely greeted.
But genuinely seen.
Think for a moment…do you remember anyone who made you feel that way?
Someone who seemed genuinely interested in you?
Someone who you felt listened to you?
Someone who cared.
Someone who made you feel valued.
I do! Mr. Dugdale…my 8th-grade English teacher.
It wasn’t something he said; it was something he did that made me feel special. I had acted up in class, and he called me out. He said he wanted to see me after school. I spend the rest of the day dreading our meeting. He was known for his sternness.
I don’t remember what he said about my behavior in class. What I do remember is that he challenged me to a paper wad basketball game. We took turns wadding up paper and shooting it from places around the classroom. We played a game of HORSE.
I don’t remember who won or any pep talk about acting better in class. But his interest in connecting with me made me feel close to him. I remember that he was more interested in me than my behavior. He knew that I was seeking connection with others in the wrong way. He never said that…he didn’t have to.
I don’t think I ever acted badly in his class from then on…or any other class for that matter.
And we are still very connected fifty years later
Why?
Because we were created for connection. And he connected with me.
Not surface-level interaction.
Not a lecture.
But a meaningful, soul-to-soul connection where I felt known, valued, and connected with someone other than my parents.
His act of kindness (grace) changed my life that day.
I’m sorry that many people today are living with a deep sense of disconnection and have never experienced what I did that day.
They are surrounded by people but still feel alone.
Connected online but disconnected in real life.
Longing for someone to notice them, understand them, and care.
This is where the Fruit of the Spirit, kindness, becomes so powerful.
Kindness creates connection.
And connection is often where healing begins.
Kindness Is More Than Being Nice
When the Bible lists kindness as a Fruit of the Spirit, it is describing far more than good manners.
Many people think kindness and niceness are the same thing, but they are not.
Niceness is often about keeping people comfortable. It avoids tension, seeks approval, and says what people want to hear.
Kindness goes deeper.
Kindness is love in action.
It notices people.
It moves toward them.
It listens.
It encourages.
It seeks what is best for another person, even when doing so requires time, effort, sacrifice, or honesty.
Jesus was always kind, but He wasn’t always what people would call nice. He welcomed the broken, comforted the hurting, and showed compassion to sinners. But He also confronted pride, challenged hypocrisy, and spoke truth when people needed to hear it.
Why?
Because kindness is motivated by love.
Kindness says:
“I see you.”
“You matter.”
“Your story is important.”
“I care enough to move toward you.”
Niceness may create a pleasant interaction.
Kindness creates connection.
Kindness Creates Soul-to-Soul Connection
Years ago, Christian counselor Dr. Larry Crabb wrote:
“The deepest urge of the human heart is to be connected with another person at the soul level.”
I believe he was right.
God created us with a longing to know and be known.
To love and be loved.
To experience genuine connection with Him and with others.
The problem is that many relationships never move beyond the surface niceties.
We exchange information.
We discuss schedules.
We talk about the weather, sports, work, or current events.
Yet our souls remain hidden.
Kindness helps bridge that gap.
When we move toward people with genuine interest, compassion, and care, something begins to happen.
Walls come down.
Trust grows.
People begin to feel safe.
And the connection deepens.
Kindness creates an environment where a soul-to-soul connection becomes possible.
What Our Son Lee Taught Us About Kindness
After our son Lee died, we began reading through his journals and listening to the stories people shared about him.
One theme surfaced repeatedly.
Lee made people feel valued.
He went out of his way to notice people others overlooked.
He moved toward those standing alone.
He welcomed people who felt like outsiders.
He remembered names.
He asked questions.
He listened.
He cared.
Again and again, people told us the same thing:
“Lee made me feel important.”
What struck me was that people rarely talked about what Lee accomplished.
They talked about how he made them feel.
Seen.
Valued.
Known.
Connected.
Looking back, I believe one of Lee’s greatest gifts was kindness.
He was kind, as in polite, but most of all, his kindness went beyond niceness and created a connection.
He understood, perhaps better than most, that hurting people rarely need impressive answers as much as they need someone willing to move toward them with genuine interest.
His life continually reminded us that kindness creates connection.
And connection creates opportunities for healing.
Jesus Created Connection Everywhere He Went With Kindness
When you read the Gospels, you see Jesus constantly moving toward people.
He stopped for blind beggars.
He touched lepers others avoided.
He welcomed children others dismissed.
He spoke with outcasts others ignored.
He ate with people others rejected.
Again and again, Jesus helped people feel seen, valued, and loved.
His kindness restored dignity, hope, and connection.
People’s lives changed because Jesus moved toward them rather than away from them.
And He invites us to do the same.
Kindness Through the Six Steps of Living-Connected
The Six Steps of Living-Connected are really six practical expressions of kindness.
1. Others-Focused and Available
Kindness notices people.
It chooses awareness over self-absorption.
2. Present and Listen
Kindness slows down and pays attention.
Listening communicates:
“You matter enough for me to be fully present.”
3. Curious and Interested
Kindness seeks understanding.
It values another person’s story.
4. Empathetic and Compassionate
Kindness enters another person’s experience without judgment.
5. Encouraging and Hopeful
Kindness speaks life, hope, and truth into discouragement.
6. Connect to God
The deepest kindness is helping people experience the God who sees them, knows them, and loves them completely.
Every step creates connection.
Every step reflects Christ.
Every step becomes an expression of kindness.
Small Acts. Eternal Impact.
Most of us underestimate the power of kindness.
We think changing lives requires something dramatic.
But God often works through simple acts.
A conversation.
A text message.
A question.
A prayer.
A listening ear.
A few extra minutes of genuine attention.
Those moments may seem small to us.
But they can become turning points in someone else’s story.
Because kindness communicates something every human heart longs to hear:
“You matter.”
“You are not alone.”
“I see you.”
And when people feel seen, connection begins.
Your Challenge This Month
Each morning, ask God one simple question:
“Lord, who needs kindness today?”
Then pay attention.
Notice the lonely.
The discouraged.
The grieving.
The overlooked.
The person standing alone.
You don’t need the perfect words.
You don’t need all the answers.
You simply need to move toward them.
Because kindness creates connection.
And connection is often where healing begins.
Reflection Questions
- Who helped me feel seen and valued when I needed it most?
- How has kindness created connection in my own life?
- Which of the Six Steps comes most naturally to me?
- Which step would help me become a more connected presence?
- Who might God be inviting me to notice this week?
Prayer
Father, thank You for Your kindness toward us. Help us become people who notice others the way Jesus did. Produce in us the Fruit of the Spirit called kindness so that our words, actions, and presence create meaningful connection. Use us to help others feel seen, valued, known, and loved. May the connections we create point people to You, the source of all healing and hope. In Jesus’ name, Amen.